Your SNEAK PREVIEW of my online dating book is at the end of this post. If it encourages you to read the rest of the book, please click on one of the book cover links. I appreciate your business!
IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BUY THE BOOK AT THIS TIME, I ask that you continue to read my blog posts. You can read them all by clicking on my home page. The links are at listed to the right. ALSO, I ask that you please write a comment at the end of the post and give me some feedback. I’m waiting to hear from you!
I met the artist who is designing the cover for “ WINK
com” when I was actively dating online.
Alan , eventually featured in “ WINKcom” as BFF, lives in Montgomery, Alabama. He and I realized early on that we weren’t going to date. Way too many miles between us and I was too old for him (though we are the same age, LOL). So, instead of a romantic relationship we began a daily internet correspondence/friendship.
We soon realized we could “talk” about anything to one another. We confided all of our worries and frustrations and our successes and goals. This continued for about a year and a half. All the while, I was writing away about my online dating experiences. Eventually, he came to visit me in New Orleans for the French Quarter Festival.
He and my found on the internet boyfriend Mike (”Peter Pan” in “ WINKcom”) are a lot alike and the three of us had a blast listening to music at the festival. I work in the historic New Orleans French Market, right across the street from one of the festival music stands.
BFF and Peter Pan are both musicians. BFF is a talented graphics art designer. Peter Pan is a native New Orleanian. Before walking to the main music venue we entered the New Orleans Artists’ Market to take a look around. There we saw them. The best selection of handmade Mardi Gras masks in the city. An artist’s dream.
THAT’S WHEN THE IDEA CAME TO ME FOR THE PERFECT “ WINKcom” COVER: a masked face, one eye winking. I already wrote an article about why a wink is so relevant to internet dating. A mask is also pertinent to the book’s content but, in addition, emphasizes my NEW ORLEANS connection.
When I got home, I did a little more research. Look at these definitions of mask:
- dissemble: hide under a false appearance, such as “I masked my disappointment.”
- put a mask on or cover with a mask, i.e., “I masked my children for Halloween.”
- a covering to disguise or conceal the face.
- to make unrecognizeable.
- activity that tries to conceal something: “No mask could conceal his character; or, “they moved in a mask of friendship.”
- shield from light.
- a protective covering worn over the face.
ALL of these definitions apply to dating. More specifically, all of these surely apply to dating online.
For those of you who want a preview of “ WINKcom” , here’s one of the chapters. Please remember, the book is under copyright and cannot be used without my permission!
Also, by way of explanation, at the end of many of the chapters in “ WINKcom” I have a special section called IN A WINK. In the book this section is boxed and highlighted in Mardi Gras purple.
These sections are summaries designed for you to get a summary of the information very quickly (”in a wink”).
When I use “ WINKcom” in quotes while writing for this blog, I am referring to the name of the book.
When I use WINK or WINKcom without quotes in a chapter of the book, I am referring to the FICTIONAL internet dating site I am writing about!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“The Internet Delusion Syndrome”
I had to share some of the posts that people put up that are shall we say, brutally honest in what they want—or don’t—in a match.
Take this one, from a lady who I am sure is only a little bit B-I-T-T-E-R. . .
. . .Profile heading: Are there any real men left?
This princess writes the following:
“You guys are tough. It seems that you’re either spineless or jerks. I’m tired of the games and the crap.”
Wow, if I were a guy, I’d want to run to the computer and immediately start a correspondence with this sweetheart? How about you?
How about this darling’s age requirements for her future true love:
“Age 29-40. Yes you did read correctly. 29/40 meaning 40 at the most. Not 55 or even 48—I already had a father, thank you.”
No worries here that she is looking to use some older man for his money.
Another profile I am particularly fond of explains, “average” size from the viewpoint of a man-who-is-all-that.
“When I say I am looking for an average sized woman, I mean a woman who is size 6 or smaller. I do not mean a size 8 or 10.”
On what planet is an average sized woman a size 6? Planet Anorexia? Planet Purge?
Good grief, Charlie Brown. I wasn’t a size 6 when I was 13 years old, 5’10” and 125 pounds. Did he not see skinny Oprah get into that size 10 Calvin Klein jean?
Whoever made you chief of the fashion police, anyway?
Sorry. It hit a nerve.
Does anybody think these people will find their dream matches on the internet?
Most people , when asked why they use WINKcom would tell you (tah dah). . .”To find someone to date.”
That’s what I’d been thinking, too.
Apparently those of us who thought that was the reason for joining were mistaken.
See, people can BE whatever or whomever they want to be online.
OR, sometimes, a person will pretend they can HAVE whatever or whomever he or she WANTS .
In other words, some people use WINKcom as a means of LYING to themselves or to others. LOL
I’d love to be proven wrong! But one day I was looking at possible matches on the internet and up popped a picture of my FIRST COUSIN. Now, my first cousin was born 7 years before me. However, the age listed on his profile was 53, two years younger than me at the time. You do the math. I rest my case.
By way of further example, it is amazing to me how many OLD men and women truly believe that someone in his or her 20s would be remotely interested in them romantically.
In this particular instance, Rick would be right when he says, “Any 20-something year old woman (or man) who is talking seriously to a guy (or woman) in his (or her) late 50s is after his (or her) M-O-N-E-Y.
I certainly didn’t think my 27-year-old admirer was seriously interested in me. I still hear from him, but only occasionally in the middle of the night. Maybe he found out I didn’t have any M-O-N-E-Y to be after.
Come to think of it, I think he wanted someone with experience.
Smart man, but, still, WAY TOO YOUNG.
My high school-aged daughter was looking over my shoulders one day while I was surfing the net.
Notice I said surfing the net. That’s what you do when you look for matches on the internet.
Don’t make the mistake of saying “cruising the net”. I said that and was informed that cruising is what gay people do in the French Quarter when they are looking to find other gay people.
Sorry. Back to my daughter.
“Mom,” she said looking at a photo of a man WINK said would be a good match for me. “He looks OLD. Oh, he IS old,” she continued when she saw his age (which was about 5 years older than me).
I was relieved she thought he looked way too old for me because, in a roundabout way she was saying I don’t look my age.
Upon further glance this guy was looking for a woman in her late 20s.
See what I mean about lying to oneself?
Another example of what I would like to formally name “Internet Delusion” occurs when a very OVERWEIGHT person refuses to talk to anyone who is not SLENDER or ATHLETIC AND TONED.
And what about people who are, say, 54 and won’t date anyone aged 50 or older? I have to say, this is generally direction to men.
What’s up with that? Women outlive men and they SEXUALLY peak a lot later than men do.
You get the picture.
In some instances, I can’t figure out WHY people use online dating services.
I know why they SAY they are using WINK but then, like Rick, all they do is spend their time looking—and little of their time doing anything to make something happen.
Like actually e-mailing someone!
Some people I know say they continue to be on WINK because they are addicted to it.
Let’s just say that it’s easy to run to the computer every time you enter the room to check if the WINK blinking eye logo is at the bottom of the screen.
If it is, YOU’VE GOT A MESSAGE!
IN A WINK:
I reiterate!
- Try to keep your sense of humor and have fun!
- Recognize if you are getting addicted to sitting at the computer.
- Read this chapter and LAUGH!
- No need to be bitter. No need to be judgmental!
Isn’t it great to realize the many things human beings have in common?
© 2008-2009, Rita Kranson Williams
